“My Past Abusive Relationship” – By Actress Stella Damascus

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Stella Damasus has come out to speak about how she was abused mentally and psychologically in her past relationship. The
beautiful actress gave a deep insight on Thursday, November 30, 2017,
on how her relationship back in 2009 was filled so much domestic abuse.
She explains on her website how domestic violence isn’t all about
physical abuse.

“I wrote a blog a
while ago called DATING MY ABUSER, and was shocked at the number of
women who sent emails talking about the abuse they had faced. My heart
was so heavy as I realized how bad things have gotten and how silent we
have been over the years. One woman’s email really touched my heart and
that is why I decided to share another experience.

Stella Damascus 

Stella Damascus

(lindaikejisblog)

“Stripping
myself naked in front of the world is not an easy thing to do, but when
my experience encourages, heals and informs others, then it is the
right thing to do. I remember one day in 2009, I had just signed a
contract with a new management company and they sent their marketing
manager to take pictures of me so that they could build a press kit and
other materials for work.

“The
man I was dating at the time was in my house for a visit, and we were
both in the living room when the marketing manager came in. As he
entered we exchanged pleasantries and I introduced him to my boyfriend
who gave him the most arrogant and disgusting look ever.  The marketing
manager brought out his hand to shake him but my boyfriend walked away
and didn’t even acknowledge his presence.

Stella Damascus 

Stella Damascus

(misspetite)

“I
apologized to the guy who was really shocked as he was sure they had
never met. He was so confused and had to ask me if he did something
wrong.  I was highly embarrassed but had to quickly change the subject
as usual. I say as usual because it was becoming a trend with my
boyfriend. I knew how arrogant my boyfriend could be but I didn’t think
it would be that
“Anyway,
I went upstairs to meet the glam squad in my dressing room so they
could do their magic. When I was done, I got dressed and foolishly went
to my boyfriend in the other room so he could see how beautiful I looked
and maybe get a compliment. Instead, he looked at me and started
calling me all sorts of names. I cannot even begin to mention the names I
was called.

“Now, you may read
this and wonder why he would call me names without provocation. That is
how the mind of an abuser works. They don’t need provocation to abuse
you. They just want to show and boost their power over you.To those who
have never experienced emotional and mental abuse, this is absurd.At
this point, I was used to hearing those names but for some reason, I
still could not end the relationship. On different occasions, I had
tried to end it but I was not psychologically strong enough.

“This
sounds strange coming from someone like me who is bold and fearless
right? It may shock you to know that when men like that come into your
life, they study your strengths and weaknesses. Then they begin to
attack your weaknesses and make you even more vulnerable. The next thing
they do is to systematically isolate you from those who are supposed to
be your support system. At that time you will not even notice what he
is doing because you will begin to think he cares for you more than
anyone else.

Stella Damascus 

Stella Damascus

“He
had already messed with my mind. I felt helpless and small. I had the
courage to ask him what I had done wrong and you would not believe the
answer I got. He said “you guys think I am stupid, why would you ask
them to send a guy who looks like that to you. Don’t they have women who
work for them?”. I told him I had no control over who they send or who
they employ. He responded by saying, “it’s your house so if you have any
respect for me you would have made sure it was not a guy who speaks
with a nice accent, dresses well and is cute; coming to your house. What
if I was not here? You were already smiling like a fool even though I
was right there.

“What would
have happened if I was not here? At that point, I knew that there was
nothing more to say. As I made to leave he grabbed my arm and forced me
to sit down. The insults came rushing through my ears as I sat and
cried. I messed up everything the glam squad had done. To avoid
embarrassment and gossip I went to the guest room and asked the
children’s nanny to let the glam squad go. They were paid and they left.

“I
went back and tried to fix what was left of my make up, went downstairs
to do the photoshoot and as soon as I was done, I made the marketing
manager and his team leave. When I went back upstairs, my boyfriend was
waiting to continue the insults. At this point, I knew I had to be
strong. So, I told him that if he felt he was too good for me, he should
get the HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE.He didn’t believe how serious I was until I
started yelling.

“He threatened
to hit me and I told him he would spend the rest of his life in Jail
and I would spend all my money making sure he was tortured every day. He
looked me in the eye and saw how serious I was. That was when he knelt
down and started begging. He apologized and said he didn’t know what
came over him and that he needed help. I looked away but he continued
and told me how everyone else had given up on trying to help him. Blah
blah blah blah he continued.

“You
would think that after all this I would end it once and for all but
unfortunately, I took him back. Before you start passing judgment,
remember that when your weakness is attacked and your support system is
not there anymore, you feel alone and helpless. It’s not a choice you
willingly make, it is as a result of the psychological abuse. There are
very very few women who go through this and come out sane. Imagine being
with someone who constantly makes you feel less than you are. Who puts
all the negative stuff in your face and starts to make you look at
yourself differently. After a while, you begin to believe his lies and
doubt your truth.

Stella Damascus and late husband, Jaiye Aboderin

Stella Damascus and late husband, Jaiye Aboderin

(misspetite)

“That
was when I realized that domestic abuse is not just physical. It is
also mental and psychological which are worse sometimes. With the
physical you know where the bruises are and can treat them.
Unfortunately, with the mental, you become a slave to your own mind
which is controlled by the abuser. He makes it seem like it’s your fault
and at the same time makes you feel he needs you.

“No
one knows what you are going through because they don’t see the scars.
Even when you tell them, they trivialize it because you can’t show
proof. So you suffer in silence and pain. When you discuss it with
people who you believe can help, the first question they ask you is “why
don’t you just leave him?”. Friends and family who are not qualified
psychologists and therapists are not equipped to handle mental and
psychological abuse.

“It took me
a while to discover a few psychologists in Nigeria, but they don’t get
many clients because mental therapy is not an AFRICAN thing.WRONG!We
need it now more than ever before. A lot of women go through this every
day and even when they come out of the relationship, they don’t see the
need to go to counseling or therapy that can help them heal. So, they
end up dating the same kind of man because that is what their mental
state recognizes.

“They fall for
men who would control them again not because they are stupid but
because that is what their minds are familiar with. 16 Days in a year is
not enough to advocate for domestic violence. We need to do this all
year round and record the progress we are making. We need to let women
especially the African woman know what her rights are and that she has a
right to report cases like this. She needs to know that she has a
support system who will help her through the pain and hurt she is left
with.

“We need to make sure that
the law is enforced on the abusers. We need to educate women and let
them know that a man has NO right to hit them just because he is their
husband. We need to help the women educate their daughters as well. We
need to reach out to the community leaders and make them see why they
should help put an end to this,”
she explained.

Stella Damascus with Daniel Ademinokan

Stella Damascus with Daniel Ademinokan

Stella Damascus is presently married to  Daniel Ademinokan who happens to be her third husband. Just like Stella,  Daniel Ademinokan once spoke about the alleged abuse he encountered in his previous marriage to actress, Doris Simeon.

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