“That Marriage” By Christiana Osun

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A marriage just because it's expected of me!!!

The year 2017 is gradually
coming to an end and some ‘bae this’, ‘bae that’ tweets will start
surfacing, especially since Bella Naija isn’t taking a chill pill even
after the most anticipated wedding of the year: #BAAD2017 , and the
asoebi styles are getting more competitive than creative. Shiloh has
come and gone and some are waiting for the manifestations of their
marital breakthroughs.

It’s less than 3 weeks to the end of the year and those of us ending the year still single know ourselves. Lol.

“Bisi! Awon oko nko?” (literally meaning; “Bisi! How are the husbands?”)

The common narrative for the average Nigerian daughter is: Primary school – Secondary school – University/ Service year – Marriage – Children. Oh!
Some form of vocational training might be embedded somewhere between
the secondary school and university days.  God forbid it that marriage isn’t in your plan.

Those
of you who lived with finalists at one point or the other of your stay
in the university should understand what I mean. It’s baffling to see
girls already planning out their marriage, ‘aso-ebi’ colours etc. I
mean, graduate first.

As a student I have come to get used to the phase; “What if your husband…”
Trust me, when I say it gets tiring. Living in the hostel, I have come
to this generalized conclusion as I have moved from room to room over
the course of my program that; as an African girl child, after school,
there is nothing to look forward to except marriage; even if you don’t
want it, the society will liably and conveniently talk you into
believing that’s what’s next for you.

In
most Nigerian homes, a daughter is expected to bring her ‘husband’ home
while she’s still in school; Man! I thought we were ‘civilized’.
Sometimes, the parents, family, friends, do not bring up such matters
but they insinuate it.

You begin to hear especially in the penultimate year:

“Bisi!
Awon oko nko?” (literally meaning; “Bisi! How are the husbands?”) or
when a family friends’ daughter is getting married you hear;

“See Shade, you will soon bring your invitation home like her.” Or

“Hope you are not chasing them away sha?” The ‘them’ referring to guys that might have been approaching such a lady.

"Bisi! Awon oko nko?"

 “Bisi! Awon oko nko?”

(36NG)

The funniest should be;

“Shey won sha n wa?”- directly translated to mean;

“Hope
they do come?” This kind of question is when they no longer understand
what’s going on and can’t picture any guy with such a lady.

All
these makes a girl weary, partially or permanently loosing focus of
what is real; knowingly or unknowingly. I have seen ladies begin to act
more carefully around guys in their penultimate and final years, dress
more sassy, start applying makeups, tend to be more outgoing, yuda yada
yada.

I once asked a lady,

“Why all this marriage talks?” And she replied, “Don’t you ever want to give birth?”
I scoffed at her, and was really mad, an array of emotions kept
flipping through me while I maintained a stern, unwavering and unsmiling
look; ‘Don’t you ever want to give birth? The audacity!’ If only it
weren’t true that people marry because of societal influence and
religious prejudice, if only it weren’t true that people marry to have a
stable sex partner, if only people never married because if what people
said it people will say, I’d not be this angry.

I
don’t want that marriage: A marriage for the sole purpose of a stable
sex life. I don’t want that marriage: A marriage consummated for the
sake of child rearing. I don’t want that marriage: A marriage just
because it’s expected of me. So, if that is the marriage I’ll be
offered, a marriage the the world expects of me; a marriage I am to
participate in, I AM NOT INTERESTED.

Written by Christiana Osun.

Christiana
is a lover of words. She’s not just a reader, she’s also a writer.
She’s sarcastic, fun loving, and a jack and master of most things
creative. She has her website underway, so watch out.      

Instagram handle: _themillenniallady_  Facebook: OSUN Christiana Oluwadamilola  Email: krwistee@gmail.com

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